Mel Isn’t Here Right Now

Guys.  There are a lot of you reading now.  Like, way more than I thought there would be at this point.  First of all?  THANK YOU.  I appreciate you coming here to read my nonsense.  I appreciate it a lot.  I pretty much live to be validated.  So you’re doing really good things for my self-esteem every time you come here.  Feel good about that for a second.  You deserve it.

Secondly?  I’m sorry.  There’s something you need to know.  If you don’t know me personally (and at this point, most of you don’t) then there is something I need to tell you.  That sounds ominous, doesn’t it?  Sometimes I do this thing with my kids where I’m like “KID.  I cannot believe I must have this conversation with you.  You should know better.  I am SERIOUSLY considering taking all of your toys and throwing them in the garbage because YOU, child, you are…ON  THE HONOR ROLL!  Haha, I’m funny, you almost cried because I’m an asshole.”  And then I buy them a toy and take them out to Friendly’s and pretend I wasn’t just a jerk solely for my amusement.  So, yea.  I just went off track.  I was going to tell you something but first I wanted to build it up like it was REALLY BAD when it totally isn’t.  At all.

Right.  The thing.  If you don’t know me, you don’t know what I do for a living.  And I’m not going to tell you now because:

1) It’s really not that interesting.  To anyone else.  But it IS really interesting to me, so if you so much as ask “what do you do for a living?” I will explain it to you for no less than 45 minutes and will do so in such a tone that implies that my work is as close to splitting the atom as you can get if you work in a field that has absolutely nothing to do with atoms or the splitting of said atoms.

2) I don’t need creepers tracking me down at my place of business and calling my boss to say that my opinion on Spanx is NOT funny.  What a stupid thing to get fired for, you know?  Plus also, I’m pretty sure my boss thinks I’m HILARIOUS.  So she’s not even going to listen to you.  I hope.

What you need to know about my job, though, is that I am very busy this time of year.  Insanely busy.  This is Year End and, in my industry, that is a proper noun. I work a lot and, when I’m not at work, I’m relishing in the wine and quiet that awaits me at home.  (I’m kidding.  It’s not quiet at home.  But there is wine.)

At some point, Year End gets the best of all of us.
Source: monster.com

I’ve spent a good deal of time trying to figure out what to do about my blog at Year End (proper noun) and then a few weeks ago, a solution fell in my lap.  Remember when we all read a terrible book together?  My friend Jessica (here’s her blog that she never ever updates because she hates my happiness) decided to take it upon herself to read all the terrible The Sweet Life books that followed.  And it took very little prodding from me to get her to review all of them.  So over the next month or so, I really won’t be here very much.  But Jessica’s reviews will grace the pages of this here blog while I’m gone.

Please play nicely with my friend who is, by all accounts, a better person than me.  And who also has an even more demanding job every month of the year but can somehow still find time in her day to both read and review terrible books while I whine about being too busy to do anything for an entire month.  She is wonderful, she is hilarious, and she is here to entertain you.  See you guys in February.