Mel: I was cleaning out some bins under my bed and came across my playbill from Footloose like twelve years ago. And I knew Matthew Morrison had been in it so I figured I’d look to see who he was/if he was in the production I saw at all. I saw he was in the ensemble and kind of grinned because that meant I saw him before he was good enough to make it out of the chorus. Then this fell out and I literally squealed with delight.
Everyone’s hair looked like that at the time. Don’t judge him.
Michele: That is awesome! And he looks so cheesy.
Mel: I know. He’s like 20. Adorable.
Mel (internally): 20? Is that right? That would make him 32 now. That can’t be right. He can’t be younger than me. He’s had an entire career and now he’s on Glee as a teacher. Am I old enough that, were I to be cast on Glee, I would be a teacher and not a student? Poppycock. I am clearly still in the age range to play a student. Andrea Zuckerman was like 35 when she was supposed to be a sophomore. So he has to be like 45 now to be playing a 34 year old on tv. That’s how it works. Wikipedia will back me up on this.
Mel: Ugh. I am like 7 months older than him. Fuck off, Wikipedia. Now I have to compare what we have both done with our lives over the past twelve years and drink.
Michele: Please. You used to be a Republican.
Mel: Whoa. Perspective. I have it.
Michele: Figured that would help.
Mel: AND he was replaced in a shitty boy band. I have never in my life been kicked out of any boy band.
Michele: Yet. You haven’t been kicked out of a boy band yet.
Mel: Thanks for keeping me humble, man.
This is really only here so I can talk about this video I just found while I was totally NOT watching four hours of Glee videos on YouTube. I am FEELING TOO MANY THINGS. It’s a year old or whatever, but I love Jonah Hill and Matthew Morrison and Jimmy Fallon and now I don’t know what to do.
But then THIS happened. And I learned that Matthew Morrison has a little Justin Timberlake swag and now I don’t know WHO to choose. So I’m still with Fallon in the corner. Canoodling, as it were.
And then that’s it. I have no idea what happened next. Was there a dance battle? A sing off? Hulu and YouTube are both surprisingly silent about the end of this. Someone. Please. Tell me what happened next. I need to know if I can keep my existing crushes or if I need to choose a side here.
I would like it to have been a dance battle. Only because dance battles are my favorite.
Also, this one time, I tried that chair thing? You know, where you step onto the seat, and then onto the back, and you gracefully tip it over and continue on your way? Yeah. Don’t do that.