Mel: I was cleaning out some bins under my bed and came across my playbill from Footloose like twelve years ago. And I knew Matthew Morrison had been in it so I figured I’d look to see who he was/if he was in the production I saw at all. I saw he was in the ensemble and kind of grinned because that meant I saw him before he was good enough to make it out of the chorus. Then this fell out and I literally squealed with delight.
Michele: That is awesome! And he looks so cheesy.
Mel: I know. He’s like 20. Adorable.
Mel (internally): 20? Is that right? That would make him 32 now. That can’t be right. He can’t be younger than me. He’s had an entire career and now he’s on Glee as a teacher. Am I old enough that, were I to be cast on Glee, I would be a teacher and not a student? Poppycock. I am clearly still in the age range to play a student. Andrea Zuckerman was like 35 when she was supposed to be a sophomore. So he has to be like 45 now to be playing a 34 year old on tv. That’s how it works. Wikipedia will back me up on this.
Mel: Ugh. I am like 7 months older than him. Fuck off, Wikipedia. Now I have to compare what we have both done with our lives over the past twelve years and drink.
Michele: Please. You used to be a Republican.
Mel: Whoa. Perspective. I have it.
Michele: Figured that would help.
Mel: AND he was replaced in a shitty boy band. I have never in my life been kicked out of any boy band.
Michele: Yet. You haven’t been kicked out of a boy band yet.
Mel: Thanks for keeping me humble, man.
This is really only here so I can talk about this video I just found while I was totally NOT watching four hours of Glee videos on YouTube. I am FEELING TOO MANY THINGS. It’s a year old or whatever, but I love Jonah Hill and Matthew Morrison and Jimmy Fallon and now I don’t know what to do.
But then THIS happened. And I learned that Matthew Morrison has a little Justin Timberlake swag and now I don’t know WHO to choose. So I’m still with Fallon in the corner. Canoodling, as it were.
And then that’s it. I have no idea what happened next. Was there a dance battle? A sing off? Hulu and YouTube are both surprisingly silent about the end of this. Someone. Please. Tell me what happened next. I need to know if I can keep my existing crushes or if I need to choose a side here.